Trust and Reward

We love being parents! ❤ Watching things like World’s Strictest Parents and Super-nanny really grieve my spirit, but the Strictest Parents we watched yesterday weren’t that strict and we agreed with a lot of their system for dealing with issues…..so I thought I’d share what we do:

1. We don’t scream at kids or smack them. Ever. Not nice for anyone and not effective. Certainly doesn’t build trust and respect.
2. We teach responsibility young (see Kids and Allowance ) so kids can learn to be trustworthy.
3. (well 2a really) Along the lines of responsibility, teach them to be altruistic. show them how to wrap gifts/give to charity/thank people etc, if they know how to love they’ll appreciate what they get more because they understand the thought that went into it.
4. Being responsible and trustworthy brings rewards: extra time out, increased allowance (up to set limit, see post mentioned above) and generally more freedom….
5. Dishonesty or other wrong actions are discussed as a family and have consequences, which could be missing a party or allowance stoppage or some sort of fixing of damage caused, etc. (Works for adults too, we sit down and discuss anything that would cause tension to get it over with ASAP)
6. Explain stuff: Kids of 2 & 3 can understand consequence. Any child needs clear boundaries and set rules; So if you go to the park, “don’t go near the water’s edge” ….and tell them why! Give a 5 minute warning before something ends (and if they grumble, a reason to go…see daddy/have tea). This gives less room for tantrums.
7. Routine is a God-send when trying to avoid grief. We are not a strict and structured family, but things like homework and showers are sooooo much easier if they’re expected. It took a while but now we have a routine that works for us. Miss knows that she comes home, is allowed to chill for up to an hour (TV/games and a snack) then she has to get on with work…so used to it now she often starts homework sooner and will get herself ready for bed without me saying!
8. ‘Be Consistent‘ is probably the hardest advice to follow, but it matters. Even when you’re exhausted. Sorry, but it does. If you give in once, they know how far to push it next time. Please don’t do it. Explain to them why they cant have/do something (if appropriate, perhaps suggest putting on birthday/Christmas list?) and if they still have a hissy fit, then go. Leave the situation with tantruming child (is tantruming a real word? it is now!)… It is a million times better for the child to have a firm no than to get everything they want. It may  will feel lousy at the time, but no-one is judging you, we’ve all been there.

 

Hope that helps and inspires you all, I’d love to know your tips and ideas!

Thanks peeps!

Anna x

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